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8th on the 28th


Dear Fordy, 

It's the 28th again. You would have been 8 months today. I can imagine you munching on biscuits, or bread or banana maybe. I can imagine you crawling from the bed down, you rolling around your crib while asking Mommy for another round of milk. I miss cooking every 28th. You have not even tasted Mommy's spaghetti, Daddy says I cook the best spaghetti in town. On your fifth month, you stared at your cake like you want to eat all of it. Today, you could even have a tiny bite. I am sure though that Papa Jesus is having a feast for you, with your fellow angels. 

Yesterday, we dropped by National Bookstore because your Dad is going to get something. While he was going around the aisles, I went to my favorite spot, the books aisle. While I was going thru Paolo Coelho's books, I saw a baby boy, crying, while her sister (I knew she is not the mom, she is too young) hushed him. I approached them and asked why he was crying, the sister said he might be hungry. I caressed the baby's head and arms while telling him to stop crying. At this point, I am feeling a lump in my throat. I am going to cry, I know. Then I heard your Dad called me. He asked me where I have been and I said, "I saw a baby there." And I wiped my tears. 

After I chose the accordion envelope for him, I looked around and searched for the baby again. I saw them at the counter, queueing. It was the longest queue but I chose to fall in line with them. This time, I had the guts to play with him. I learned he was 5 months and his name was Marcus, like your Tito Macu.  He was no longer crying but he was staring at me with his big eyes while gripping my thumb so tight. I fought the urge to cry. I missed you so much. It felt like I was holding you. I wanted to carry the baby but I was too shy to ask the mom if she will let me. Anyway, after a few minutes of baby talking with Marcus, it was their turn to pay. Then us. I bade him goodbye like how I did every time I would leave you for work. It brought the pain back. 

I miss you, Fordy. You have not been in my dreams for a while, come visit me tonight, please? 

It will be your sisters' birthday in two weeks, I wish you are here. I love you, my bubut, always.


Love forever, 
Mommy

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