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Last year, there was a peanut...

Dear Fordy,

On this day on Facebook, last year, I posted an animation of a 14 week embryo. That was how little you were in my tummy. My lil peanut! You were the size of the lemon and and your limbs were growing to be proportioned to your body. I can feel you tickling my tummy. There were occasional kicks.

I remember my cravings were at it's peak that time. I would eat Chowking Halo halo at the most unholy hour. I would ask for Skyflakes and Star margarine. And your daddy were at my beck and call. We did not know gender yet that time but I have always know in my heart you were going to be a boy. I claimed it, you will be a boy.

Yesterday, as daddy were rummaging through his old boxes, I saw my mommy book and your baby book. I saw the prescriptions, the BP monitors, the glucose trends. I was not that healthy when I had you but I tried my best not be sick. Then I saw your baby book and saw your vaccines, our pedia visits, your prescriptions.

I smiled and pulled the books closed to my chest. I ached for the nth time.

I don't know how long will I endure the pain of losing you.

Do you know that you were in my dreams last Sunday? I do not remember the exact scenes but I know you visited me. You did. Thank you, bubut.

Missing you so much.


Love forever,
Mommy

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