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If only...

Dear Fordy, 

Now, I am sick. I did not go to work last night because I was burning with fever. Your dad gave me an iced bath but the fever did not subside. I did not ask him to bring me to the hospital because I just want to lay down and sleep. He left me with Biogesic and pears. He knows I love pears. Your Tita Joy gave some pineapples too. I only had Jjampong for dinner, I did not even finished the bowl because I can’t swallow. Yes, baby, I might have tonsillitis. 

I woke up feeling better, no more fever, but my throat aches so bad. I am having my apple cider vinegar drink, might help lessen the pain. Today is Kuya Karlo’s follow up check up with Dr. Gaspar in St. Clare Medical Center. He is removing the staples in your Kuya’s arm. Then we can start the physical therapy to bring back the function of his arm. I will have my throat checked there too. I may need some antibiotics for this. 

Last night, while laying in bed, i suddenly remember those times when you did not sleep beside me. You were always sleeping with Yaya Cel. She said she will take you to her bed so we can sleep better. It was favorable because you know that with our kind of work, sleep is precious. But I felt sad that I did not get to spend much time with you as you were always with her. If I could only bring back the time. 

If only. 

Do you get sad too that you did not spend much time with me? With me and daddy? I regret those days, bubut. If I can have a time machine, I would have stuck to my decision of leaving work and taking care of you only. 

Fordy, can you tell Papa Jesus to heal me? 

I love you, forever. 

Love forever,